DAVID. 30. Fairly affluent. Well-liked among his social circles and considered a golden child within his family, though arrogant in his personal relationships.
JENNIFER. 28. Shy, even-tempered. Not the standout of the family, but treats others with kindness and respect.
GEORGE. 35. Deceased. Cause of death not yet known. A black sheep of the family who spent most of his life isolated and quiet.
The stage is set up with an upstairs space and a downstairs, with a narrow, winding staircase linking the two. The downstairs stage is dark, while the action of this scene takes place in the well-lit upstairs space. A dusty attic is bathed in warm daylight flowing in from a large window with broken blinds. DAVID and JENNIFER are in the process of boxing up the last few belongings of their recently deceased cousin GEORGE. They both look somber as they work.
DAVID. Looks like this is the last box of George’s stuff.
JENNIFER. He’d only been living here for a few years--how does one person amass so much stuff?
DAVID. Especially someone like George.
JENNIFER stops taping up the box and looks at DAVID.
JENNIFER. What do you mean by that?
DAVID. Jennifer, let’s be real. George was our cousin but he wasn’t really… you know… the life of the party.
JENNIFER. George was nice enough of a guy.
DAVID. Oh yeah, for sure, but we’re not talking about niceness here. I mean his personality.
DAVID. ...Or lack thereof.
JENNIFER covers her mouth to hide her laughter. She gives DAVID a slight push.
JENNIFER. That's so wrong!
DAVID. Maybe--but you know it's true. I mean, think about it, when is the last time you ever had a conversation with the guy? Like a real, honest to God conversation that you actually got something out of or even laughed at. Not even a deep belly laugh, just a slight giggle?
JENNIFER pauses to think.
DAVID stands up and lifts one of the boxes. He starts to make his way to the exit.
JENNIFER. I think he was just shy.
JENNIFER also stands and carries a box as the two descend the staircase.
DAVID. Jen, you're shy, but I can still carry on a normal conversation with you. George was just blah. Weird at best.
JENNIFER and DAVID walk down the staircase and arrive on the bottom stage, which GEORGE's bedroom. The room is also fairly well-lit but bare, containing only 1 twin-size bed, a closet, and a set of dresser drawers next to the bed. The bottom of the drawers should be slightly ajar.
DAVID. Don't you find it bizarre that we were left in charge of his belongings? We weren't even that close...
JENNIFER. I guess we were closer than most people in our family...
DAVID. It's not like there's anything good in here, either. A bunch of boring history books and tax papers. Thanks for the gifts, Georgie.
JENNIFER and DAVID set the boxes down on the floor. JENNIFER surveys the bedroom.
DAVID. My guess is us moving boxes around in here is probably the most action this bedroom has ever seen.
JENNIFER. Stop it, that's not funny.
DAVID holds his arms wide out at his sides, examining the bare room.
DAVID. So what do you think he really got up to, huh?
JENNIFER. Now what are you talking about?
DAVID walks back over to JENNIFER and gets close to her as he talks.
DAVID. Think about it. Guy barely talked to anyone, had no friends, held a boring desk job, was found dead of no discernible causes by the cable guy of all people--what could he have done in his spare time? Why did he feel the need to have a house, practically in the middle of nowhere, filled with next to nothing, he could have just as well lived in a one bedroom apartment with the amount of stuff he had.
JENNIFER. Maybe he just liked having space.
DAVID. I think he had some secrets. I bet he was into weird shit.
JENNIFER. Stop it.
DAVID. Maybe this bedroom did see more action than I'm giving him credit for.
JENNIFER. Knock it off.
DAVID. Maybe... just maybe... David's body wasn't the only one ever found here...
JENNIFER. WOULD YOU SHUT THE HELL UP?!
DAVID and JENNIFER stop and stare blankly at each other. DAVID begins to laugh, but JENNIFER is not amused.
DAVID. Calm down, cuz. I was just joking.
JENNIFER begins to lose her cool as DAVID ignores her, instead directing his attention at the set of dresser drawers.
JENNIFER. I don't care what you thought about George or his private life, but he's a member of our family who's gone now, the least you can do is show a little respect.
DAVID walks past her and gets closer to the drawers.
JENNIFER. But seeing as how you can't even show me that, I'm not sure what I was expecting...
DAVID points at the drawers as he speaks.
DAVID. Did you open this drawer?
JENNIFER. No, why?
DAVID. It was closed before we went upstairs.
JENNIFER. Well I didn't touch it, I haven't even been in this room for longer than a few seconds until just now. Are you sure you didn't touch it--
DAVID. No. I swear to God, it was completely closed before.
JENNIFER. This isn't funny, David.
DAVID. I'm not trying to be funny, not this time.
JENNIFER slowly walks over to the drawers. She tries to peer into the open drawer.
DAVID. Is there anything in there?
JENNIFER. I can't tell...
JENNIFER looks back at DAVID before mustering up some courage. She closes her eyes and opens the drawer. She looks in and smiles, before slowly pulling out what's inside. At the sight of her producing a hand from the drawer, DAVID screams and faints.
DAVID. OH MY GOD!!
JENNIFER smirks as she pulls out the rest of the object--a comedic puppet. She continues to dig into the drawer to pull out a stack of handwritten papers.
JENNIFER. These are all jokes.
JENNIFER. George was a...
JENNIFER pauses to look at the puppet in her other hand.
JENNIFER. Prop comic???
JENNIFER laughs as she steps over DAVID's unconscious body, exiting the bedroom.
JENNIFER. Good job, George. You finally made me laugh.
JENNIFER turns off the lights as she leaves the room.
Off the wagon, then back on the wagon, then off again. What will come next? Only time will tell...